Sorry this is so late.
You wrote:
"Now that this is over I don’t know where to turn. My wife wants to see the guy again, but I don’t want her to. When I tell her that, she says that I was as turned on by the experience as she was, otherwise I wouldn’t have been watching and jacking myself off. I know she’s right, and I do fantasize about seeing her on her knees sucking that big dick. But at the same time it makes me feel extremely agitated and inadequate."
How do I handle the fact that my wife sometimes enjoys being with other men more than being with me? It's because cuckolding *for me* is a form of mental madochism.
A psychologist named Roy Baumeister has written some excellent stuff on masochism. A masochsist wants to jump out of his or her everyday sense of self and be someonesomething else. Being someone or something else means the masochist escapes the negative things about his or her everyday sense of self.
Some use pain to help get them out of their sense of self. Not me. I use submission--humiliation and taking orders--to help get out of my everyday sense of self. I am no longer me. I am a submissive cuckold. The humiliation and orders I receive from my wife or bull reinforce this new identity.
Being the cuckold slave means it's okay that I'm treated as inferior or second-rate. That's part of the submissive cuckold self that I've temporarily adopted. It's okay when another man makes my wife feel things that I cannot. I'm supposed to be the second rate lover as submissive cuckold. It's okay when my wife makes another man cum and not me. My cumming is not important as a submissive cuckold.
Submission is not for everyone. Maybe it's not for you. But, you seem to have a submissive streak as evidenced by your femdom play. You might think of cuckolding as a form of mental BDSM or power exchange.
Hope things work out for you.
FUCK MY WIFE!
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